Inside, Hetty is dictating a "welcome speech" to Alberta, who rolls her eyes. "No one wants a lecture on the spoils of industrialism, Hetty." Isaac, meanwhile, is trying to levitate a quill to write his own memoir, convinced that "practice makes spectral."
Beaumont is refined, condescending, and furious that Alberta (a famous 1920s chanteuse) died in "his" house before he did. "I reviewed your opening night at the Algonquin," he sniffs. "Two stars. You rushed the bridge." Alberta, who has never been more insulted, threatens to scat him into next Tuesday. ghosts s01e05 bd9
But the real conflict emerges when Beaumont reveals he can do something no other ghost can: The catch: he only does it to critique them. He calls it "reviewing from within." Inside, Hetty is dictating a "welcome speech" to
Sam writes a new B&B rule: "No napping in the parlor armchair." Jay installs a "Ghost Nap Zone" sign anyway. "Two stars
Isaac and Nigel’s lecture duel is interrupted by Beaumont, who possesses Jay (who fell asleep on the couch watching Great British Bake Off ). As Beaumont-Jay, he begins critiquing the duel: "Your vocal projection is flaccid, Captain. And Nigel, your sash says 'Rogues' but your posture says 'Actuarial.'"
Alberta steps in. She sings a single, perfect note—a low A-flat—that vibrates through the house. Beaumont is thrown out of Jay’s body, gasping. "How did you—"