There is an old Swahili saying that cuts through the romantic haze we often wrap around love: “Ngoswe penzi kitovu cha uzembe.” Literally translated, it warns that reckless or excessive love is the very root of foolishness. In an era where we glorify “crazy in love” and passion at all costs, this proverb stands as a stark, uncomfortable mirror.
So love, by all means. Love deeply, passionately, and loyally. But never let love turn you into someone you would be ashamed to introduce to your younger self. Because once uzembe takes root, it is hard to pull out. And the only one who loses in the end is you. He who loves wisely, lives wisely. He who loves recklessly, collects regrets.
You find yourself lying for a partner, covering up their mistakes, or abandoning your dreams to keep the peace. Love was meant to elevate you, not turn you into a stranger.
He disrespects you in public, she lies about money, they disappear for days without explanation. But you say, “But I love them.” That is ngoswe .