“Gonzo. They say he’s ‘vulnerable yet explosive.’”

That night, Leo did what any self-respecting action hero would do: he kidnapped the studio head’s prized poodle, drove to the abandoned warehouse district, and challenged the entire industry to a charades showdown.

Leo went first. He cracked his neck. He tore off his shirt (unnecessary, but mandatory). Then he mimed: punching a helicopter, kissing a grenade, flexing at an explosion, and kicking a shark.

But Hollywood had moved on. Now, the hot ticket was Sensitive Estrangements —two-hour indie films where people whispered about feelings in rain-soaked apartments. Leo’s last three movies had bombed. His agent, a nervous man named Carl, broke the news gently.

Leo slammed a protein shake on the table. The plastic cup exploded. “A Muppet? Which Muppet?”

“They’re rebooting Tough Dumb Charades , Leo. As a streaming series. Starring a Muppet.”

“It’s every movie I’ve ever made!” Leo roared. “They’re all the same! And they’re beautiful!”